Free Beer

I complained last week about going out to watch the Super Bowl, specifically sports bars. So what do I do? Since I’m a glutton for punishment, I go to a sports bar of course. I knew it would be weird night, when my friend Ryan (who’s one of my more militant friends) says he’s rooting for the Cardinals because his boss likes the Steelers. I say “yeah but the Steelers coach is black and he’d be only the 2nd black coach to win the Super Bowl”. He says “So what, I don’t want to hear my boss’s mouth at work”. Mind you, this is the same guy who would have loud arguments with his girlfriend about black history at 2 in the morning when we were roommates. There were plenty of Steelers fans at the bar and many of them had buzz cuts or faux mullets. It’s safe to say they weren’t rooting for the Steelers because of its black coach. I started to feel a little uncomfortable being one of only a few black faces there until about 5 minutes before the game started and that’s when the negroes started to pour in. I've never been more happy that people were on CP time in my life! Some of the brothers strolling in looked a little shady though, especially one dude wearing an inside out camouflage outfit and these brown Timberland’s that looked two sizes too big. And his braids were all over the place. Ryan turns and says “That dude looks crazy as sh*t”. At this point the dry hot wings that I ordered have arrived at the same time as Jennifer Hudson sings the national anthem. The waitress starts telling me how a girl that usually comes to the bar told her she’d be out of town this week because her sister is singing the national anthem at the Super Bowl. Our conversation went like this:

Waitress: I guess she’s talking about her.

Me: She said Jennifer Hudson is her sister?

Waitress: Yeah I guess.

Me: She’s from Chicago and her family was murder a couple of months ago….

Waitress: Noooooooo really? So I guess that girl was lying huh?

Me: Ummm yeah, there’s a pretty good chance she was…....

If the waitress hadn’t forgot napkins for my wings. I wouldn’t have believed that she didn’t know who Jennifer Hudson was. Because really, who forgets to bring napkins when a person is eating hot wings? I thought the first half of the game was semi entertaining and it looked like the Cardinals were going to take the lead until the Steelers returned an interception all the way back for a touchdown to end the half. That was the Kurt Warner I knew and hated when he was the quarterback for the Giants. He always found a way to cost us the game with a fumble or interception with his big stupid gloves that he wears on both hands. At this point I had a nice buzz going from my multiple Coronas so I didn’t mind Bruce Springsteen’s screaming too much. Plus he has a new found cool since performing for Obama at the inauguration. The rest of halftime was filled by me and Ryan discussing the highs and LOWS of married life. Fun times.

After a pretty boring 3rd quarter with only 3 points the whole quarter, the game heated back up in the 4th after the Cardinals stopped the Steelers on the goal line and then drove all the way down the field for a touchdown. Then Ryan decides he wants to act goofy and makes the fatal mistake of jumping up from the table and screaming yeaaahhhhh! Crazy Inside Out Camouflage man see’s him and says “Yeah son, that’s what I’m talking about. Who yall for, Who yall for?” He then proceeds to philosophize in a “I just got out of prison way” about the NFL and how they don’t like signing black players even though the league is 90% black. Meanwhile Ryan is on one side of me laughing and texting on his phone while I’m sitting right next to this guy listening to him talk nonsense for 15 straight minutes without me saying a word. Finally I notice a woman in a skimpy outfit walking around with Heinekens bottles on a tray and say “Yo they’re giving out free beer!” Crazy Inside Out Camouflage guy sprints after her and almost tackles her, which gave me time to switch my chair around so that there was another chair between me and crazy guy. By this time the Steelers were driving down the field for what would be there game winning score and place was going crazy. After downing a fee Heinekens myself and watching the last seconds tick off the game clock, we were ready to bounce. Leaving the bar we walked past C.I.O.C. guy while he was talking to a man who looked borderline homeless saying “Man they got free beer and hotdogs?”. We then made a mad dash for the parking lot.